I can't believe it's been nearly 2 years since I started it, with only 3 posts at the very beginning of that time period.
A LOT has happened since then. I have faced so many challenges, and I've learned from all of them, even if I didn't necessarily overcome them.
I feel like I've been moving in a forward direction; of course, not terribly long after I abandoned this blog, I let things get about as bad as they really could, so there haven't been many other directions for me to travel in except forward.
Last semester, we started having Institute here in Washington. This was something new, and I'd never been to Institute before. But this has been an amazing experience. I've been encouraged to pick myself up and put myself on the pathway of righteousness, and been reminded to keep getting up when I inevitably fall down.
And falling down is very easy for me.
It was amazing to me, reading back over the posts in this blog. I had completely forgotten about the experience I recorded in the last one, which has given me a witness that keeping a journal of some sort is very important. If you don't record your thoughts and impressions, how can you be sure you'll remember them? There are some experiences I've had throughout my life that I know I won't ever be able to forget, but for the most part, it is so easy to get caught up in the here and now and to forget about what we've felt and seen and learned in the past.
I am coming back to this because, once again, I want to try the Personal Progress program. I know I probably won't ever get a Young Woman medallion, unless at some future date I'm called to the Young Women's presidency somewhere and complete the program then, but that's not why I'm doing it, same as before.
I recently offered to work through the program with my sister; she didn't seem enthused, but maybe if I start and talk with her about it, my example will be encouraging to her. I know how hard it can be to get started doing something that seems like more work than the reward is worth. When I was her age, I felt the same way about PP.
Today I feel that it is good that I am starting to do this again. Lately, based on various interactions and experiences I've had with friends and family and peers, I've started to feel that "everyone hates me" or "no one thinks I'm worth their time." I remember, not too long ago, having a conversation with my mom that touched on this issue, only not in relation to me.
We discussed how it is important to develop a strong relationship with our Father in Heaven, because He is to be the source of all the love we need. It is not the job of other people to make us happy and to make us feel loved. We can choose to be happy, and as long as we know God loves us, we don't NEED that from other people to survive.
Now, that is a difficult concept to wrap the mind around, for most of us, and especially for me and my mother. I think it's important to recognize that love from others is definitely an important part of life, but I would argue that it is a mistake to say that we cannot be happy if no one around us but God is willing to love us.
So, if and when we ARE placed in a situation where it feels as though all those we know have turned their backs on us, we need to lean on the Lord, because He will carry us through and fill us up with His love.
I can't pretend I have that kind of a relationship with Him right now. I think the reason that I have received so much negative from those around me is so that I will start to build one. Sometimes our greatest trials are the only way we will bend our necks enough to learn the greatest principles we need to know.
I know in my head that this dry season of human love won't last forever, but while I feel in my heart that it will, I must turn to the Lord so that I can walk through ALL of life's troubles knowing that I always have SOMEONE on my side, no matter what.
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