Well, the procrastination bug has bitten me, I've noticed. I still haven't even looked for my scriptures. >.> But I know that I'm procrastinating, so tomorrow I'll get to it, and not allow myself to procrastinate anymore.
And I mean that. I'd do it now but I am about to fall asleep, it's been a long, exhausting day. =D
Anyway, it's great to be able to see the effects of choosing the right, already. My family went out for a picnic dinner tonight, and the missionaries were going to meet us there to teach us an object lesson. I am sick, I really don't feel well, and I really only went to the park because that's where the food was and I was hungry. =D
So, I wasn't feeling well, and didn't really want to hang around for hours when I just wanted to go to bed, so when some not-too-happy things started happening, and some of us started getting irritated with each other, I got up and just started walking home.
I walked away, and I was maybe 2 blocks on my way when I couldn't deny it anymore--I definitely was feeling the impression that I should NOT be going home. Not because home was a bad place to go, but because I shouldn't have left like that. Left with everyone unhappy, left to go home and brood over how unhappy I was, and irritated, left and missed the missionaries' lesson.
But I wanted to go home SO MUCH, I really did. But I felt very strongly that I needed to go back...so I did. And once I started walking back toward the park, I felt better. Not happy, because I still didn't feel great and wanted to just lie down, but not particularly bad either. I felt like I was doing the right thing.
And we had a great evening, when I got back. The lesson was about repentance, how we have to turn to the Lord, and through the atonement, we can be clean again. It was a good lesson.
So, I just wanted to share that, because I don't know that right now I have the Holy Ghost as my constant companion, I think I still have some progress to make before that can happen, but by making the choice to get back on the straight and narrow path, and by showing by my words and deeds that I do mean it, I am regaining my sensitivity to the Holy Ghost. I have no doubt that it was the Holy Ghost telling me to turn around and go back to my family.
It was a good experience for me, because it's one of the things that motivates me to keep on the path that I've chosen now. A confirmation that I'm doing the right thing. =)
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Starting Out!
So, now that I've made this decision, I'd better get to work. I was fortunate enough to find my old purse that has my personal progress book in it, so I don't have to look it up online, which makes things a little easier. =D
Well, I've noticed something, in the couple of days since I've resolved to get back to Christ and to stay there: It's not going to be easy. I don't know if Satan is just trying harder to tempt me away, or if I've just never noticed how tempting things are, before, because I was never trying to fight them.
Either way, wow, I have my work cut out for me. Old habits I need to replace, changing my lifestyle, incorporating the values into my daily living....
Anyway, noticing how much of a hold the world has on me, has only strengthened my resolve. Anything that grips so tight, and won't let go of you without a fight, even when you don't want it... That's not good. God loves us, and will never give up on us, and he's always there waiting, but he won't try to force you into his way. He wants us to choose. There is happiness in doing things by your own choice, instead of being forced into it.
So, the Personal Progress value experiences do require scriptures... I don't know where mine are, at the moment, so I'd better go find them. I don't mind using the online ones, but there's something more personal about reading from your own copy, being able to highlight things so next time you read the same verses, you remember what stood out to you before.
I'm going to start with Faith, which is very fitting. Some girls don't really do each Value in the order they are in the book; there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you get them all done, they still benefit you. For myself, however, it is only fitting that I start with the foundation of Faith. I am terribly lazy sometimes, I'm not going to go find a specific scripture to say it better than me, so here: This is what the scriptures say about faith. =D
So, I wasn't sure how I should follow along with my progress, but I think I'll post something before each value experience, in anticipation of it, like what I expect, or hope for, and outlining it, and then after I complete each one I'll share my thoughts.
I don't know if this system will work out so well, I'll just have to try it out and if I don't like it I'll try something different. =D
Anyway, I need to go find my scriptures! ;)
Well, I've noticed something, in the couple of days since I've resolved to get back to Christ and to stay there: It's not going to be easy. I don't know if Satan is just trying harder to tempt me away, or if I've just never noticed how tempting things are, before, because I was never trying to fight them.
Either way, wow, I have my work cut out for me. Old habits I need to replace, changing my lifestyle, incorporating the values into my daily living....
Anyway, noticing how much of a hold the world has on me, has only strengthened my resolve. Anything that grips so tight, and won't let go of you without a fight, even when you don't want it... That's not good. God loves us, and will never give up on us, and he's always there waiting, but he won't try to force you into his way. He wants us to choose. There is happiness in doing things by your own choice, instead of being forced into it.
So, the Personal Progress value experiences do require scriptures... I don't know where mine are, at the moment, so I'd better go find them. I don't mind using the online ones, but there's something more personal about reading from your own copy, being able to highlight things so next time you read the same verses, you remember what stood out to you before.
I'm going to start with Faith, which is very fitting. Some girls don't really do each Value in the order they are in the book; there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you get them all done, they still benefit you. For myself, however, it is only fitting that I start with the foundation of Faith. I am terribly lazy sometimes, I'm not going to go find a specific scripture to say it better than me, so here: This is what the scriptures say about faith. =D
So, I wasn't sure how I should follow along with my progress, but I think I'll post something before each value experience, in anticipation of it, like what I expect, or hope for, and outlining it, and then after I complete each one I'll share my thoughts.
I don't know if this system will work out so well, I'll just have to try it out and if I don't like it I'll try something different. =D
Anyway, I need to go find my scriptures! ;)
Monday, July 12, 2010
An Introduction
Heh, I had a heckuva time figuring out what to name this blog. I couldn't think of anything that...fit. So I started looking at the Seminary Scripture Mastery scriptures, starting with the Old Testament ones. I was going to just go through them all until I found one, but fortunately the Old Testament of the Bible had what I was looking for:
And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
(emphasis mine)
To me, that is what it's all about. I grew up a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I was raised learning its teachings, I never knew anything else. Some people would say I'm lucky, I had the truth my whole life.
And I was very blessed. But I tried to squander that blessing. I just couldn't seem to find faith, when I hit my teens. I wanted to believe, but it just didn't seem to come to me. But I tried. I didn't give up. I had many spiritual experiences that strengthened my knowledge of the truth I grew up hearing.
But then I fell away. I think the people in my branch here in small-town Iowa didn't really start calling me an official inactive member until very recently, but I've walked my own paths for a while now.
I don't really know for sure what started it, but I think it was a boy. A boy that I hadn't met in person, but that I talked with so much that I could say that I knew him and not be stretching the truth. We were so close. We were best friends. And gradually, as the months flew by, I realized I loved him.
I've always known, through my times of faith and my times of darkness, that I want a family. That is my goal, my purpose in life. But I never received much attention from guys, at least not the kind that I wanted, for pretty much all of my developing years. It's only been in the past couple of years that I've finally started to become noticeable to guys as more than just some random person.
I think that's what must have started it. Trevor is a member of the church. But he's not active. Hasn't been for a while. And we had very different values about some things, despite our friendship. But it was so easy, so right, and I didn't think I could get him to change. In fact, I was quite certain that if I stayed true to the church, I would lose my chance with Trevor. I was scared of being alone. Honestly, I still am. I don't like crowds, but I don't like feeling all alone in the world either.
So I turned my back on the church. Gradually, little by little, I stopped trying. I started being more worldly. Started caring more about things that matter little when it comes down to it. I wasn't turning shallow, I don't know that I'm capable of that, and I know Trevor is not shallow either; but I was becoming worldly. Wanting things that God doesn't want for me, doing things I shouldn't be doing...
But only God knows just how much I've suffered for that. I knew in my heart, all along, that I couldn't, I can't, be happy living like that. Why? Because I've heard the truth. I knew it, I've witnessed it, I've experienced it, I've lived it, and I know it's real. When you know something once, you can't un-know it. It will always be there, and you can't ever be the same.
I still stuck with Trevor, but I guess God knew I was looking for a way back to Him. I was looking for one that wasn't painful, but I don't think there was one. Things didn't work out between Trevor and I. I loved him, very much, but he didn't feel the same for me. Didn't really even want much to do with me anymore, probably because an internet friend is not the same as a real friend, to him.
So, suddenly, I'd lost the thing I'd attached myself to in this world--a man I loved. Now what did I have to live for?
But it must all have been part of God's plan, because since then I have not gone one day without seeing or hearing something that reminds me that I can always come unto Him.
I've now made my decision. I have served the Lord, and I have served the devil. I have known happiness, I have known misery. I have lived as the Lord wants me to, and I have lived as the world wants me to.
And I choose God, and I choose my Savior, because there is nothing in this world that can bring me happiness the way He can.
Only He can heal my wounded heart, can bring me peace and comfort when I am lonely, can show me how to live a life that will bring me joy.
So, having made my decision, I have to do something about it. God loves me, as does my Savior Jesus Christ, and they want me back, but of course first must come repentance. I have work to do to repair the damage I've done to myself in my foolishness, and as I do that, I know I will grow and become a better, happier person.
The way I want to structure my "homecoming," as it were, is by finally completing my Personal Progress book. It will take time, but that is true of any worthy thing. Time and effort.
This blog will first follow my journey through the values of the Young Women Personal Progress program, and hopefully when I am done I will be able to continue to share my thoughts and insights as I grow and develop my divine heritage as a daughter of God.
Joshua 24:15
And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
(emphasis mine)To me, that is what it's all about. I grew up a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I was raised learning its teachings, I never knew anything else. Some people would say I'm lucky, I had the truth my whole life.
And I was very blessed. But I tried to squander that blessing. I just couldn't seem to find faith, when I hit my teens. I wanted to believe, but it just didn't seem to come to me. But I tried. I didn't give up. I had many spiritual experiences that strengthened my knowledge of the truth I grew up hearing.
But then I fell away. I think the people in my branch here in small-town Iowa didn't really start calling me an official inactive member until very recently, but I've walked my own paths for a while now.
I don't really know for sure what started it, but I think it was a boy. A boy that I hadn't met in person, but that I talked with so much that I could say that I knew him and not be stretching the truth. We were so close. We were best friends. And gradually, as the months flew by, I realized I loved him.
I've always known, through my times of faith and my times of darkness, that I want a family. That is my goal, my purpose in life. But I never received much attention from guys, at least not the kind that I wanted, for pretty much all of my developing years. It's only been in the past couple of years that I've finally started to become noticeable to guys as more than just some random person.
I think that's what must have started it. Trevor is a member of the church. But he's not active. Hasn't been for a while. And we had very different values about some things, despite our friendship. But it was so easy, so right, and I didn't think I could get him to change. In fact, I was quite certain that if I stayed true to the church, I would lose my chance with Trevor. I was scared of being alone. Honestly, I still am. I don't like crowds, but I don't like feeling all alone in the world either.
So I turned my back on the church. Gradually, little by little, I stopped trying. I started being more worldly. Started caring more about things that matter little when it comes down to it. I wasn't turning shallow, I don't know that I'm capable of that, and I know Trevor is not shallow either; but I was becoming worldly. Wanting things that God doesn't want for me, doing things I shouldn't be doing...
But only God knows just how much I've suffered for that. I knew in my heart, all along, that I couldn't, I can't, be happy living like that. Why? Because I've heard the truth. I knew it, I've witnessed it, I've experienced it, I've lived it, and I know it's real. When you know something once, you can't un-know it. It will always be there, and you can't ever be the same.
I still stuck with Trevor, but I guess God knew I was looking for a way back to Him. I was looking for one that wasn't painful, but I don't think there was one. Things didn't work out between Trevor and I. I loved him, very much, but he didn't feel the same for me. Didn't really even want much to do with me anymore, probably because an internet friend is not the same as a real friend, to him.
So, suddenly, I'd lost the thing I'd attached myself to in this world--a man I loved. Now what did I have to live for?
But it must all have been part of God's plan, because since then I have not gone one day without seeing or hearing something that reminds me that I can always come unto Him.
I've now made my decision. I have served the Lord, and I have served the devil. I have known happiness, I have known misery. I have lived as the Lord wants me to, and I have lived as the world wants me to.
And I choose God, and I choose my Savior, because there is nothing in this world that can bring me happiness the way He can.
Only He can heal my wounded heart, can bring me peace and comfort when I am lonely, can show me how to live a life that will bring me joy.
So, having made my decision, I have to do something about it. God loves me, as does my Savior Jesus Christ, and they want me back, but of course first must come repentance. I have work to do to repair the damage I've done to myself in my foolishness, and as I do that, I know I will grow and become a better, happier person.
The way I want to structure my "homecoming," as it were, is by finally completing my Personal Progress book. It will take time, but that is true of any worthy thing. Time and effort.
This blog will first follow my journey through the values of the Young Women Personal Progress program, and hopefully when I am done I will be able to continue to share my thoughts and insights as I grow and develop my divine heritage as a daughter of God.
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