Value: Faith

Wow, okay, this is new. The way the site is set up and stuff.

Anyway.

I'm not actually all that positive where my old Personal Progress manual is, and it's a bit outdated anyway, so today I remembered (finally) to look it up on the church website. And I found it, woohoo!

So, starting from the beginning...Faith.

"Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true (Alma 32:21).

I am a daughter of Heavenly Father, who loves me. I have faith in His eternal plan, which centers on Jesus Christ, my Savior.''

That is from the Personal Progress manual.

Okay, this is really cool--I just found out, the manual on the website is interactive and I can save my progress there and stuff. I definitely am going to use that tool. AWESOME!

So, the first Value Experience is this:

"The first principle of the gospel is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Learn about faith from the scriptures and living prophets. Read Hebrews 11; Alma 32:17–43;Ether 12:6–22; and Joseph Smith—History 1:11–20. Read two general conference talks on faith. Exercise your own faith by establishing a habit of prayer in your life. Begin by regularly saying your morning and evening prayers. After three weeks of following this pattern, discuss with a parent or leader what you have learned about faith and how daily personal prayer has strengthened your faith. In your journal express your feelings about faith and prayer."

I'm too tired at this moment to do the reading I need to do, but I definitely can start the prayer part tonight. I don't know if I'm going to just do one experience at a time or if I'm going to have others I'm working on at the same time, so I'll figure more of that out later.... For now, though, I'll be checking in at least once a week while I'm doing this experience. I'll probably post my thoughts about the scriptures I read, and the talks, and beyond that...we'll see. =)

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One thing I'm already doing that I think will help strengthen my faith is paying tithing. I was terrible at it before. Sometimes I'd pay, and then I'd just stop, or else I wouldn't do it in the first place. This year, though, I've been determined to be a full tithe payer. I want to be able to go to the temple, and I can't do that without paying tithing.

And it feels good, when I put the checks in an envelope and hand them to a member of the Branch Presidency. I don't even notice the money going, and so far I've never been tempted to pull money out of my "tithing" account for any reason. I don't have enough of a history paying tithing regularly to have had any significant experiences that demonstrate the blessings that come from paying tithing--but that's not what it's about. It's about thanking the Lord for everything He's blessed me with by giving a portion of it back to him. I'm starting to gain a testimony of that--right now it's just some faith and intellectual understanding, but I have faith that as I keep on with this, my heart will change so that I don't feel like I "have" to pay tithing, but I will feel that I "want" to. It will feel a privilege instead of a duty.

I look forward to that day. =)

Leaning on Him

I was remembering this blog, lately, so I finally remembered last night to log in and check it out.

I can't believe it's been nearly 2 years since I started it, with only 3 posts at the very beginning of that time period.

A LOT has happened since then. I have faced so many challenges, and I've learned from all of them, even if I didn't necessarily overcome them.

I feel like I've been moving in a forward direction; of course, not terribly long after I abandoned this blog, I let things get about as bad as they really could, so there haven't been many other directions for me to travel in except forward.

Last semester, we started having Institute here in Washington. This was something new, and I'd never been to Institute before. But this has been an amazing experience. I've been encouraged to pick myself up and put myself on the pathway of righteousness, and been reminded to keep getting up when I inevitably fall down.

And falling down is very easy for me.

It was amazing to me, reading back over the posts in this blog. I had completely forgotten about the experience I recorded in the last one, which has given me a witness that keeping a journal of some sort is very important. If you don't record your thoughts and impressions, how can you be sure you'll remember them? There are some experiences I've had throughout my life that I know I won't ever be able to forget, but for the most part, it is so easy to get caught up in the here and now and to forget about what we've felt and seen and learned in the past.

I am coming back to this because, once again, I want to try the Personal Progress program. I know I probably won't ever get a Young Woman medallion, unless at some future date I'm called to the Young Women's presidency somewhere and complete the program then, but that's not why I'm doing it, same as before.

I recently offered to work through the program with my sister; she didn't seem enthused, but maybe if I start and talk with her about it, my example will be encouraging to her. I know how hard it can be to get started doing something that seems like more work than the reward is worth. When I was her age, I felt the same way about PP.

Today I feel that it is good that I am starting to do this again. Lately, based on various interactions and experiences I've had with friends and family and peers, I've started to feel that "everyone hates me" or "no one thinks I'm worth their time." I remember, not too long ago, having a conversation with my mom that touched on this issue, only not in relation to me.

We discussed how it is important to develop a strong relationship with our Father in Heaven, because He is to be the source of all the love we need. It is not the job of other people to make us happy and to make us feel loved. We can choose to be happy, and as long as we know God loves us, we don't NEED that from other people to survive.

Now, that is a difficult concept to wrap the mind around, for most of us, and especially for me and my mother. I think it's important to recognize that love from others is definitely an important part of life, but I would argue that it is a mistake to say that we cannot be happy if no one around us but God is willing to love us.

So, if and when we ARE placed in a situation where it feels as though all those we know have turned their backs on us, we need to lean on the Lord, because He will carry us through and fill us up with His love.

I can't pretend I have that kind of a relationship with Him right now. I think the reason that I have received so much negative from those around me is so that I will start to build one. Sometimes our greatest trials are the only way we will bend our necks enough to learn the greatest principles we need to know.

I know in my head that this dry season of human love won't last forever, but while I feel in my heart that it will, I must turn to the Lord so that I can walk through ALL of life's troubles knowing that I always have SOMEONE on my side, no matter what.