An Introduction

Heh, I had a heckuva time figuring out what to name this blog. I couldn't think of anything that...fit. So I started looking at the Seminary Scripture Mastery scriptures, starting with the Old Testament ones. I was going to just go through them all until I found one, but fortunately the Old Testament of the Bible had what I was looking for:

Joshua 24:15

And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

(emphasis mine)

To me, that is what it's all about. I grew up a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I was raised learning its teachings, I never knew anything else. Some people would say I'm lucky, I had the truth my whole life.

And I was very blessed. But I tried to squander that blessing. I just couldn't seem to find faith, when I hit my teens. I wanted to believe, but it just didn't seem to come to me. But I tried. I didn't give up. I had many spiritual experiences that strengthened my knowledge of the truth I grew up hearing.

But then I fell away. I think the people in my branch here in small-town Iowa didn't really start calling me an official inactive member until very recently, but I've walked my own paths for a while now.

I don't really know for sure what started it, but I think it was a boy. A boy that I hadn't met in person, but that I talked with so much that I could say that I knew him and not be stretching the truth. We were so close. We were best friends. And gradually, as the months flew by, I realized I loved him.

I've always known, through my times of faith and my times of darkness, that I want a family. That is my goal, my purpose in life. But I never received much attention from guys, at least not the kind that I wanted, for pretty much all of my developing years. It's only been in the past couple of years that I've finally started to become noticeable to guys as more than just some random person.

I think that's what must have started it. Trevor is a member of the church. But he's not active. Hasn't been for a while. And we had very different values about some things, despite our friendship. But it was so easy, so right, and I didn't think I could get him to change. In fact, I was quite certain that if I stayed true to the church, I would lose my chance with Trevor. I was scared of being alone. Honestly, I still am. I don't like crowds, but I don't like feeling all alone in the world either.

So I turned my back on the church. Gradually, little by little, I stopped trying. I started being more worldly. Started caring more about things that matter little when it comes down to it. I wasn't turning shallow, I don't know that I'm capable of that, and I know Trevor is not shallow either; but I was becoming worldly. Wanting things that God doesn't want for me, doing things I shouldn't be doing...

But only God knows just how much I've suffered for that. I knew in my heart, all along, that I couldn't, I can't, be happy living like that. Why? Because I've heard the truth. I knew it, I've witnessed it, I've experienced it, I've lived it, and I know it's real. When you know something once, you can't un-know it. It will always be there, and you can't ever be the same.

I still stuck with Trevor, but I guess God knew I was looking for a way back to Him. I was looking for one that wasn't painful, but I don't think there was one. Things didn't work out between Trevor and I. I loved him, very much, but he didn't feel the same for me. Didn't really even want much to do with me anymore, probably because an internet friend is not the same as a real friend, to him.

So, suddenly, I'd lost the thing I'd attached myself to in this world--a man I loved. Now what did I have to live for?

But it must all have been part of God's plan, because since then I have not gone one day without seeing or hearing something that reminds me that I can always come unto Him.

I've now made my decision. I have served the Lord, and I have served the devil. I have known happiness, I have known misery. I have lived as the Lord wants me to, and I have lived as the world wants me to.

And I choose God, and I choose my Savior, because there is nothing in this world that can bring me happiness the way He can.

Only He can heal my wounded heart, can bring me peace and comfort when I am lonely, can show me how to live a life that will bring me joy.


So, having made my decision, I have to do something about it. God loves me, as does my Savior Jesus Christ, and they want me back, but of course first must come repentance. I have work to do to repair the damage I've done to myself in my foolishness, and as I do that, I know I will grow and become a better, happier person.

The way I want to structure my "homecoming," as it were, is by finally completing my Personal Progress book. It will take time, but that is true of any worthy thing. Time and effort.

This blog will first follow my journey through the values of the Young Women Personal Progress program, and hopefully when I am done I will be able to continue to share my thoughts and insights as I grow and develop my divine heritage as a daughter of God.